Hello Loyal Blog Reader, thanks for stopping by for this month's blog.
I have themed this discussion “Naked” because I am about to divulge to you a two-year secret.
In September 2016, I suffered the loss of my mother. No, she did not physically die; however, she decided to isolate herself from “everyone” who did not prescribe to the teachings of a religion she adopted.
The initial months were very hard, and I actually thought it would soon “blow over.” But every attempt to reconcile was met with extreme hostility. Many nights I would go to bed and wake up the next day hoping it was all a bad dream. What made it worse was that my mom worked a block away from my job, so, I saw her often; which ignited the pain in me like burning coals on a hot summer grill. As the months turned into years - every holiday, birthday, place, smell, brought back memories of her.
I do not know exactly when it happened, but I recall waiting for the train and having this overwhelming feeling to jump into its path.
I pushed the thought away.
Then it happened again… and again, and again. The thoughts were crippling. So much so, that there were days I would lock myself in a closet. You see, I did not want to face the sunshine because it meant that my pain was not a dream. It meant, that I now lived in a world without my mother’s love. And that was a world I no longer desired to live in.
I wanted to die.
For months, I put on a happy face, but inside I was screaming in agony. How could a professing Christian feel this way? I felt ashamed and I condemned myself for not having enough faith. I saw myself as weak, and honestly, a bit crazy.
The breaking point
It was in the year 2019, whilst on my way to work, I saw my mother, again. This time was different, and for a split second, I forget that she no longer acknowledged me as her daughter. I blurted out “Hey mommy!” It was her response that shattered my very existence; well, she did not respond, at least, not with words. The sound that came from her was more like a vicious growl. Needless to say, I was devastated. If a bus had been passing, I believe I would have flung myself In front of it.
When I reached the office, my boss recognized that my eyes were red and probed me until I “opened” up. Being the doctor he is, he wanted to admit me. I bargained with him to call EAP (Employee Assistance Program) so I could speak to a counselor.
The Road to Recovery
The EAP counselor, and every therapist after that, helped me to deal with the pain and trauma brought about by my mother’s abandonment. I learned not to be angry at myself or even at my mother. These are the basic steps that helped me:
· Open up to someone.
· Make the [intentional] choice to seek counseling.
· Take the advice of the therapist and get the treatment needed.
I, like others once believed the stigma that only crazy people sought a therapist. I also believed that Jesus is all you need to heal everything. However, what I believed to be a farce, I now understand that although Jesus is the source of our help, He often provides that help through many different resources. My previous mindset was outdated thinking, especially in matters of mental health. Some of us are born with chemical, neurological imbalances; this, in turn, affects our thought processes, mood, and general outlook on life. So, in the same way that our body needs a doctor when it gets sick, our minds are no different.
I urge you if you are a victim of any type of trauma, to please seek help. Do not suffer in silence. If left untreated, those issues eventually seep out, which may cause disastrous outcomes for you and those around you.
Don’t believe me? See image one below.
The image is of my brain - the red and yellow zones indicate the electrical activity associated with poor memory, depression, fatigue, etc. Yes, trauma affects your brain.
The second image shows my brain scan after three months of treatment. No more, brain electrical activity associated with stress, anxiety, hypertension, insomnia, depression, etc.
Now, more than ever, I protect my mental health and I want you, my blog reader, to do the same.
Take the steps to preserve your peace, move away from people and situations that are negative. Most of all, don’t be afraid to call for help. A wise pastor once said “Jesus can do anything, but he won’t do everything” – Tinashe Mkrombindo.
Won't you make the call today? I would appreciate your comments below.