Personal Blog


Hello, my loyal blog readers.

Let me first apologize for my tardiness in uploading a new blog. I was taking a much-needed hiatus from all things electronic.

I want to take the time to acknowledge the Black Lives Matter movement. As a minority myself, I certainly feel the pain of the senseless killings of other people of color. I pray that we can both collectively and individually, find solace in our ongoing quest to overcome these injustices, and in our pursuit to finally obtain the justice and equality that we so rightly deserve. I believe this will bring a much-needed healing within our community.

This leads me to discuss this month’s topic- The Common Denominator. If you are anything like me, I hate math. However, there is one concept I did grasp - there is always a common denominator. The common denominator stays constant; no matter how many other variables you add to the equation, the common denominator remains the same. I liken this mathematical concept to life.

Many times, we face the same type of problem over and over again… it’s like we are going around in circles. It could be different people, different situations, different locations, yet the same issues reoccur.

These issues may vary from:

A) Personal - serial dater/cheating partners

B) Financial - inability to save/always in debt

C) Employment – unstable employment/issues with management causing us to leave.

Now don’t get me wrong, we all have at one time or another, encountered these issues (lucky you if you have not); however, for the majority of us who have, let us get into it.

First issue- Personal

I get it, sometimes in the relationship department, we kiss a few toads. However, if after three or four, you are still encountering toads… Hun, let’s face it, either you like toads, or you need glasses, LOL! But on a serious note, we are choosing these partners. No one is forcing them on us, it’s our choice to inquire within e.g. why am I attracted to cheaters?

Second issue- Financial

Again, as a minority without a trust fund, I feel I must work extra hard to get ahead. Then this issue sometimes leads to another - what if my working extra hard fails to reward me in the future? For instance, I know some people who are always broke. At least they say they are. Do you have family members or friends who call you up every so often for a “loan”? Granted, we all get in a tough spot at times, but if year after year you are unable to pay your bills, something is wrong. And I assure you, more money won’t solve it. Don’t believe me? Google “the lottery curse”.

Third issue- Employment

To all my habitual jobseekers, meaning, if every two years you are looking for a new job, then the issue is not your manager or the organization….it is most likely you, and your insecurity of your career calling.

As we begin the New Year, let’s take some introspection …search within and ask ourselves ‑

Am I the common denominator?

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For my male readers, do not bounce! The article has something for you, too. No male bashing. Okay, with that disclaimer out the way, let’s charge full steam ahead.

My initial intent was to talk about the male gender —to discuss the need for us women to find “Prince Charming” and all the possible reasons why the “Cinderella” dream never really pans out. As I sat to write, my mind took me along a different path; I realized, as I hope you would too, that there is no perfect man. In this instance, I am referring to humans.

Somewhere along the line, we got caught up in a notion that we all need to be living “purfeccct” lives. Social media is a prime example. Ever recognize that most people only post their best times and best smiles... wearing their best outfits, hanging out with their best friends, and vacationing in the best spots? These are the same people who are missing from social media when their “life” happens. Because we all know that real life includes the breakups, the divorce, the miscarriage, the job loss, the overdraft account, the depression. Should I continue?

Don’t get me wrong, we can be happy. The issue, however, are the lies we tell ourselves to maintain the consistent aura of happiness.

There is so much fallacy in the notion of constantly showing everyone that we’ve got it all-together. Reason being, it prevents us from expressing our true selves — even to our damn self. I see people, myself included, going around pretending to be fine, as if we are holding up a poster that says, “Watch me. Watch me living my best life ever!”

So, how do we to get back to us... to stop pretending and face some hard truths about ourselves? Well, there are no easy answers to any of this.

We can start, by ridding ourselves of the unrealistic aspiration to be “purfeccct”.

The hope is, that we can all attain a “heaven” like state of mind.

Which simply means:

A mental place, where we are not bogged down from too many unnecessary issues. A mental place, where we feel safe to release the “knots in our stomach,”

the lumps in our throats.

To this end, here are some tips to help us to release:

1) Write down the top five things that occupy your mind daily.

2) Then ask yourself, are any of the top five things causing discomfort in your life?

3) What steps should you take to lessen the discomfort?

4) Do you need family, friends or professional support to work through the issues?

5) Are you willing to make a change or comfortable with the way how things are?

All in all, let’s try to take the time to declutter our minds.

For my 80’s readers; sing along with me, as we write down our top five things to sort through!

Feel free to share your one item from your list in the comments section below.

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